/blog-gone

Wore my new suit and tailored shirt today. It is a solid, business, super-150, charcoal suit with a subtly youthful light blue window pane pattern. I had a hard time finding the right tie this morning. I'll have to go shopping with my fashion consultant this weekend.

I've always credited Mike Sciosica with the Angel turnaround. Not only has he helped create a winner but he has created an identity for the organization. He isn't just a coach, he is the father of Angelball.

It also just so happens to be anti-moneyball. The LA Times is on the story:

The season after the Angels walked and struck out fewer times than any team in the American League, led the league in stolen bases and committed its fewest errors, they are again on the same track, playing away from many of the Moneyball tenets, of walks and on-base percentage and conservative baserunning and letting the defense fall where it may. [emp. added]

There is no denying that the Angels are playing old school Dodger baseball and I don't mind at all. And Scioscia's imprint isn't just in the offense. The coach has firm ideas on how to fun a team: heavy on the discipline. How to use a staff: put your relievers to use. How to deal with retaliation: almost never throw at a guy. What to do with slumping players: keep them in. It's amazing just how consistent he has been in all his baseball ideas.

So back to Angelball and Moneyball. The questions ultimately becomes, which style of play is better? I'm not sure but both obviously work. The A's went to the playoffs for four years in a row and the Angels have now gone in two out of the last three (and won a World Series).

And both teams can still learn a lot from each other. A's GM Billy Beane has increased his focus on the bullpen, citing the Angels as an example. The Angels need to learn how Beane keeps drafting superstar starting pitchers.

On the Angels message board, people keep wondering if the A's and Angels have a budding rivalry. I don't think so. So far, both seem too intent on being respectful and classy (no battery chuckers here), which is fine by me. The competition on the field and in the style of play is entertaining enough for me.

Way back on July 28, 1997, my big brother got me The Book of Common Prayer. I find myself increasingly drawn to the Episcopal Church's old "instruction manuel". The prayers section has been especially helpful.

The baptism testimonies yesterday were quite touching. I tear up during movies so often, it was nice to have an emotional response to real life.

I really enjoy following sermons online. My ultimate goal is to listen to them in the car, but for goodness sake, I can't even get Windows Media to work on my iBook.

Ho! Hai! Ka Pow!

I like going to the new movie area of the Santa Anita mall. Arcadia doesn't feel so Chinese afterwards.

I'm getting my haircut at MonaLisa again but I've stopped making appointments with Tom. Instead, I just show up and see whoever is available. I know this is a slight on him but he's so busy all the time. He's always rushing me out to fit his next appointment. And it isn't as if the other barbers are that much worse.

If I were a free roaming business man, I would start a fish farm. I would charge higher prices but provide "mercury free" salmon. Wouldn't you buy that? I understand how anything from the ocean can be soiled but shouldn't farmed products be cleaner? What's with the poisoned-mad-meats out there? Stop feeding animals their own kind!

But I'm a planner at the Port. So I'm considering taking a logistics class as Cal State Long Beach. It's not very glam but glam don't help me with my job, does it. Things at work have been going so well that I can't help but feel more paranoid. I might get a window cubicle! I've got good projects. I fully expect things to come crashing down soon.

I've been feeling restless at church lately. I'm all pumped up but can't really see how I fit in. In our Life Group, Cindy and I are the only childless, non-married, members. But I also have a tendency to rush things too. I'm currently signed up to help with food again so I'm hoping to focus on that and do it as well as I can. Maybe if I'm responsible with that, I can move onto more later. I'd like to go on a missions trip. Maybe I'll look into Cambodia again.

*erased*

Cindy and I would like to go to Europe this year. She wants to hit Sweden. I want to run through the United Kingdom. Anyone want to come? I want to do it in 2005 but time is flying by too quickly.

Went to see the Angels vs. Indians game. Thanks to Jimmy Ng for setting us up!

It was good to be back in Angels Stadium. I don't have a 20 game mini-plan this year so I won't get many chances to be at the ballpark this season.

Coincidentally, my big brother was also at the game with a coworker. His friend is a big Indians fan so I ended up chatting with him about baseball. I also kept my excitement in check when Orlando Cabrera hit the game winning home run. Because even though the Angels won, the game was handed to them on a platter. And that's painful for a baseball fan. Lead off walks in the 8th and 9th inning aren't any way to protect a lead.

So yeah. It was a lot of fun. I got to hang out with guys from the fantasy league and my brother. I tried to make some fantasy trades but noone was interested... yet.

Just like Victor, I'm encouraged to read PDL, which has Bruinoch's thoughts as he goes through Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life.

Reminds me of Doorknobs, which was fun while it lasted. All this fun has now got me thinking about other possibilities. Like... maybe my Life Group can start a private blog that lists prayer requests and documents our daily devotions. Can it happen?!? Maybe something along those lines...

Where does passion come from? Where does the love stem from? Who has it and where do you get it?

Roberto is musing on motivation, asking people about their personal experiences. I was wrapping my head around his question during my morning drive and decided that a good way to think about it was to play an old mix he gave me.

The "Beer Mix", as I affectionately call it, is holding up through the years. Good stuff. The first track has that classic Blue Velvet line where bad man Dennis Hopper is pushing around a young Kyle MacLachlan and screams "PABST BLUE RIBBON!!!". Hahaha.

Back to motivation. It's a big topic but this is what the 110 South and I came up with. While I'm sure there is some deep Freudian motivation within me, I don't know what it is. I've personally always had passion, I guess. Instead, I struggle with the shifting pulls of competing motivations. Therefore, my focus has been less about what my motivation is, and more about diminishing certain motivations while cultivating others.

A lot of this has actually been from church. The running theme has been to become less focused on myself, and more focused on God and on others. This has been significant and something that I've been more and more motivated by.

Recently, they've also addressed fear and courage. I've always known that I'm at my lowest when I am afraid, when I despair, and when I'm cynical. It's about addressing my fears and replacing it with courage. And what Pastor Rattay has been saying is true for me. Deep down, I want to get in the game, and I don't want anything holding me back.

So what motivates me? Many things, but here are two big ones: (1) Knowing what I want to do (or knowing what I think is the right thing to do), and (2) overcoming cynicism and fear with hope and courage.

People have been stopping by my cubicle to tell me that there's a new Pope. Interesting.

Here's an excerpt from his recent homily that has everyone talking...

How many winds of doctrine we have known in recent decades, how many ideological currents, how many ways of thinking... The small boat of thought of many Christians has often been tossed about by these waves - thrown from one extreme to the other: from Marxism to liberalism, even to libertinism; from collectivism to radical individualism; from atheism to a vague religious mysticism; from agnosticism to syncretism, and so forth. Every day new sects are created and what Saint Paul says about human trickery comes true, with cunning which tries to draw those into error (cf Eph 4, 14). Having a clear faith, based on the Creed of the Church, is often labeled today as a fundamentalism. Whereas, relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and "swept along by every wind of teaching," looks like the only attitude (acceptable) to today's standards. We are moving towards a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as for certain and which has as its highest goal one's own ego and one's own desires.

Heavy stuff, indeed.

A Catholic coworker said she was hoping for someone a bit more progressive. When I defended orthodoxy, she laughed and said, "Hey, I'm the one who has to live with this guy!"

And she's right. Because I'm not Catholic and most of us Protestants don't have to respond to the faith's strict standards. Heck, I'm not very good at living up to basic Evangelical Christianity, much less Orthodox living. And I'm not always convinced what the right answer is. I just believe that it exists.

But that's kind of the point of the whole thing, isn't it. As hard or weak as we try, we are all far from good. And that is OK, because He who actually lived a perfect life, is here to help us every step of the way.

Take short piano hook and repeat. Insert earnest lyrics. Mix crescendo with falsetto and stir until wall of sound forms. What’s so special about that?

I can be as uppity as I want about Coldplay’s new single but underneath it all, I’m still a fan and I enjoyed Speed Of Sound. I’ve got my reasons. Because if The Smiths were highschool and Trash Can Sinatras were college, Coldplay is modern living.

It’s driving in LA. It’s being a working man. It’s romance with Cindy.

Loss and gain. Hairy Years to /mike...

Isn't as hazy as yesterday.

Cindy posted some pictures of her apartment.

Went downtown to Roger Stuart to buy myself a new suit. It wasn't what I expected, but I've come home with a nice one. I'm getting the pants and some shirts tailored too.

I'm starting to actually enjoy shopping.

Encourage good behavior. Discourage poor behavior. Well it sure worked on me.

I've had no front license plate for a while now. Doesn't it look better that way? And no one can photograph your plate on the "rare" occasions that you run a red!

But now I'm back on board with polite society. Why? Because I owe $50 dollars in tickets. After my first $25 dollar ticket, I decided to make the change but was too lazy. Now that I've got my second, I went to Pep Boys (didn't have the right bracket), Honda, and then Honda again (because they sold me the wrong screws), all just to put a front plate on my car.

What a waste of $50 bucks. And it doesn't look so bad afterall...

Note: I had better not get a ticket for my light tint. I already have too many sun spots on the left side of my face.

My current assignment is more Project Manager than City Planner. This is no time to be messy or sloppy lookin'.

Ever hire a physical trainer? I just did!

Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

da dum dum

If you'll be my bodyguard...

I'll admit, I am very impressed.

Saw Iron Chef America for the first time and was pleasantly surprised. While Iron Chef as a concept was groundbreaking, I secretly was not always very impressed with the food. Hey, that's just me. I find the spin-off meets my American sensibilities. I also find new "chairman" Mark Dacascos strangely compelling (he's the nephew of the original maniacal fruit biter, Takeshi Kaga).

The entire thing is worth reading but here are some of my favorite parts:

In these Hands I leave, above all, the Church, as well as my Nation and all humanity. I thank everyone. Of everyone I ask forgiveness. I also ask for prayer, that the Mercy of God may appear greater than my weakness and unworthiness. ...

On May 13, 1981, the day of the attack on the Pope during the general audience in St. Peter's Square, Divine Providence saved me in a miraculous way from death. The One Who is the Only Lord of life and death Himself prolonged my life, in a certain way He gave it to me again. From that moment it belonged to Him even more. ...

How can I not embrace with grateful memory all the bishops of the world whom I have met in ``ad limina Apostolorum'' (Eds: a reference to required, periodic visits)! How can I not recall so many non-Catholic Christian brothers! And the rabbi of Rome and so many representatives of non -Christian religions! And how many representatives of the world of culture, science, politics, and of the means of social communication! ...

To all I want to say just one thing: ``May God reward you.''

While reading the will, I was struck by how much I enjoyed and approved of the uniquely Catholic portions, especially the end.

Went to see U2 last night at Staples. Great show. While the band is clearly not at the top of their game, U2 is still leagues ahead of the rest.

Live renditions of "One" have become my favorite U2 song. This is a real relationship song. And every line can still break my heart.

NOTE: See My Thoughts and Playing Favorites for more Vertigo Tour reaction.

The City is already a strange organization and the Port is unique within that world. There will be an interview opportunity coming down the pike soon. The organization is not hiding what they are planning to do and it doesn't necessarily include me. Still, it's imperative that I put my best foot forward (a new suit would help). Ultimately, it's all about positioning myself to join in with the people who are obviously moving up.

Opportunities are rare and the resulting "score" for the interview will last 2 years. That's a long time to wait to make a different impression. I've had one good experience and one bad.

You know what? The pressure is mounting but I think I'd like to handle things a little differently than I have before. Whatever happens, I shouldn't get too high or too low because either way I will be fine. This is important but it ain't everything. Besides, too much of this is behind closed doors and completely out of my control.

So back to my updated resume...

It was a nice night. Relaxed with Cindy, enjoying a Marukai dinner and Angels game. Stepped out for some fresh air and watched Cindy skateboard. Came back and with the help of my new friend, Tivo, resumed the game without missing a beat. And the good guys won too.

Incidentally, I've got new shoes, a new shuffle, and a new phone on the way.

-----

Spent a significant amount of time organizing my music collection this weekend. It was so melancholy. From looking at the Hairy CD, /mike/CD, the mixes made by friends, and the CD's I've grabbed along the way, I felt this incredible sense of affection and loss.

I don't feel this way when I look at old pictures, but music brings up a strange emotional quality to looking back. I recognize the person I was back then and I miss his sense of purpose. This isn't a call to the good ol' days. This is a burning desire to be more of the "me of today", whoever he is.

And yesterday, Pastor Rattay preached on David and Goliath. He was pumping us up to take risks and find our courage. And I've kind of responded in my own way. I'm sick of using sloth and cynicism as an excuse. I don't want to be afraid, even if it means faking boldness as I go. I'm ready to take my lumps with a big grin because I want to get back up and punch in the face anything that's in my way.

But passion and boldness and risk taking, all these things are morally neutral aren't they. I'm annoyed at my own postmodern thoughts, but during the sermon, I started to think about the courage of the entrepreneur, the criminal, or dare I consider... the terrorist. It's not just the good guy who puts himself on the line; on the court, in the marketplace, or on the battlefield, everyone must prove his or her own mettle. The courage may be similar, but its value is different. Passion for its own sake is not good enough.

For the passion of the young always seems to be wasted by a lack of wisdom. Which cause we choose is the vital question. Wouldn't it have been better for fools to do nothing than unwittingly choose that which is wrong? So I'll continue to process my direction, waiting on conviction and depending on grace. But in the many small things (and few big things) I do know, I'm looking forward to my turn at bat.

I've got quite a lot of unimportant things in my life, especially sports related ones (and I don't even play). General interest in sports and my fantasy leagues are pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. And every once in a while I peek outside my petty world and get a glimpse of a complicated, fascinating, and extremely significant life.

Because doesn't it seem that there is a grand scheme sometimes? I believe it but I'm somehow always surprised when I think I might actually be witnessing the providence of God.

In my mind, the Terry Schiavo debacle was tragic in so many ways. There are real issues at hand and important questions to ask, but the mainstream dialogue never got above the sound bites. The real debate was too soiled by political scorekeeping; people are clouded by who ideas come from instead of the ideas themselves.

But as this media story comes to a close, another immediately steps in. And the timing seems almost planned. The declining health of Pope John Paul II is beginning to capture the attention of the world. And while it is a sad time, I can't help but feel that it might have a positive result. The dialogue surrounding this Pope, as much as anything can these days, will rise above the smut of the world. He is and was a man of moral and religious clarity and wisdom, respected and acknowledged in the entire world, Catholic or not. The dialogue about his life, his thoughts, and his actions can rise above our pettiness; we will get a clearer picture of what's important, good, and true. And that is always the result of the truly holy. So even in pending death, Pope John Paul II becomes yet another gift to us all.